


That Time Padme Tried to be a Sith Lord

by Ee_Ayy



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: I HATE YOU, Jedi, Joppopago tea and the things it does to you, Sith Empire, Sith Training, confused anakin, darth padme, darth plagueis the wise, do you even Force, from my point of view the Jedi are evil, ironic, the chosen one, trying to be a sith, you underestimate my powers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:42:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23299519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ee_Ayy/pseuds/Ee_Ayy
Summary: Let's just say, Padme's a little bit confused...but probably not as confused as Anakin.
Relationships: Padmé Amidala & Sheev Palpatine | Darth Sidious, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Sheev Palpatine & Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 5
Kudos: 33





	That Time Padme Tried to be a Sith Lord

Here, we find a relaxed Senator Padme and her dear husband, Anakin, enjoying the early evening of Coruscant in Padme's comfortable quarters. Anakin had just returned from deployment on Joppopago, and he’d been able to smuggle some of their famous Joppite tea for his beloved wife. They sipped, laughed, and forgot about the war for a while. Padme smiled at him, putting her nearly finished mug down as they snuggled on the couch. “I’ve missed you.”

“And I’ve missed you, my muse,” he said, leaning in. They’d been apart for far too long.

Suddenly, her hand gripped his arm. “Something's happening.”

Anakin froze, eyebrows wrinkling. “What. Padme, what’s happening?”

She sighed, looking away. “I'm not the Jedi I should be.”

“I--you--”

She stood up, flinging his arm off her. “I want more. And I know I shouldn't.”

“I don’t--does not compute--”

“I will even keep you from dying!” shouted Padme, twirling towards him. She stared, daring him to defy her.

Anakin blinked, awkwardly trying to hold her gaze. “I mean, I don’t know  _ how, _ but sure, that’d be nice.”

She stepped closer. “I won’t fail again.”

“Okiee…” Anakin scratched his ear. “Like…like it would make sense if  _ I  _ said something like that, ‘cause my mom and all--”

“I will become the most powerful Jedi ever!”

“Padme, you’re a freaking senator, sit down and write a bill.”

“You underestimate my powers.”

“Um, not for politics and stuff, but like, can you Force? Can you even do push-ups?”

“I’ve been working out--”

“You can’t even jump that high. That’s a big thing for us. You kinda just hop a little.”

“I hate you,” she sobbed, running dramatically to her room.

Anakin stared after her, overflowing with utter confusion. What did he do wrong? What changed? They were just laughing, enjoying each other, when suddenly… Anakin walked slowly to the door of her room. He could hear little hiccups. Oh gosh, what to even say to this.  _ Like, I could apologize? For being logical? I mean, the push-up thing was a little mean. And I didn’t have to say “hop”, I guess? _

“Uh, Padme,” he began. “Listen, I didn’t mean that about the working out thing.”

She let out a muffled “don’t make me kill you”, which Anakin thought was, let’s be honest, pretty dramatic and concerning, but he decided to keep trying anyway. He knocked lightly. “Hey, come on out and let’s talk about it.” He pushed the door open to find her sitting quietly on the bed, hands folded in her lap. Her eyes were red. And they were wild.

“Maybe we should get you to a medical droid, sweetums,” said Anakin hesitantly.

“A medical droid won't save me, Ani. Only my new powers can do that.”

“Heheh-- _ ok. _ So  _ I’m _ gonna go read up on some old Force practices the council’s been wanting to explore, and  _ you _ should just chill here for a--”

“Old Force practices?” Padme began hyperventilating. “What  _ else _ has the council not  _ told _ me!”

“Padme. You’re not even remotely in the Order.”

She whipped away from him to stare longingly out a window. “It’s not  _ fair. _ ”

Anakin linked his hands over his head. “I mean, I guess--?”

Suddenly, she was up again, glaring menacingly at him. Then she darted around him, gave a petty shove, scrambled across the living room, and was out of her quarter’s front doors. It took her husband a few minutes to shake the shock.

Ten minutes later, he finally found her, waiting for him on the rooftop balcony of the Republic complex.

There she stood, in a black robe, eyes Sith-gold, brimming with furious tears. Her flowing hair was like fire, glowing from the distant traffic and city neons of Coruscant. Anakin noticed she’d managed to find a location conveniently spot-lit by some resting search lights. She’d even stepped onto a bench for the extra height. It  _ did  _ look pretty epic. She looked down her nose at him, ugly cried for a few minutes, and then resumed her grandiloquent stance with fresh makeup running down her cheeks.

Anakin held her gaze, trying not to squint at the light glares from behind her, because he knew she was having her moment. “Padme. The heck are you doing.”

“From my point of view, the  _ Jedi _ are evil.”

“So you became a sith…?”

“We are more powerful than you know.”

Anakin rubbed his face. “You don’t… you can’t go from senator to sith. It doesn’t work like that.”

“You underestimate my--”

“You already said that, stop saying that.”

“Don't lecture me, Ani! I see through the lies of the Jedi. I do not fear the dark side as you do. I have brought peace, freedom, justice, and security to my new Empire.”

“What--why--why are you even evil? Why this breakdown,  _ now? _ Was I too distant? I always thought I was too clingy, what with the dream thing, cringey love-talk, and the creepy staring, but maybe--”

Padme huffed very hard. Then she suddenly stuck out a curling hand towards him, flexing her fingers as much as possible.

“Are you… are you trying to  _ choke _ me?” Anakin stepped back, hurt. “You can’t even  _ Force, _ Padme.  _ Gosh. _ ”

“You turned him against me!” She screamed.

“Frock you,” Snapped Anakin. “ _ Who? _ ”

“Oh,” said Padme, trying to collect herself. “Uh… you turned her… no, you turned…  _ you _ turned against me!”

Anakin stared at her, resolved, and still very offended at her choke attempt. “I will do what I must.” He reached for the hilt on his belt.

A lightsaber materialized in Padme’s hand, a slow, neon blade protruding from it. “You will try.”

“I mean,” said Anakin, revealing his brilliant blue blade, “I think I’ll succeed. Like one hundred percent, most likely. Also, where did you get that?”

“You underestimate--”

Anakin took a step forward, waving the blade in her face. She kind of batted at it with her own, flinching at the screeches it made. She lunged for a stab, which Anakin narrowly avoided by stepping backwards. She spun in a circle for surprise effect and went for his feet, which Anakin also just escaped by the careful technique of stepping backwards. Then she tried repeatedly to swipe at his neck, but he kept forcing her arm in other directions. “ _ Gosh, _ Padme, you  _ suck. _ ”

“Ahhhh,” she screamed, lunging, twirling, and hopping at him with full force, until she accidentally cut her own thumb off. “AHHHHH! I frickin  _ hate _ being a sith! AhhhHHHHahhhh…”

Anakin forced her backwards a few feet, so she tripped and fell. He stared at his wife, his face contorted in grief. “I am the chosen one! It was said that I would destroy the Sith, but not that you would frocking join them!”

“Shut up,” she said, moodily nursing her thumbless hand.

“--bring balance to the force, not leave it in darkness--”

Padme looked up at Anakin. “Really hurts.”

“You were my wife, Padme. I loved you.”

“I need ice.”

“Then tell me why, PaDmE, you thought playing with a lightsaber would be a good--”

“I HATE YOU!”

“Recognize defeat already!”

Padme gazed out over the city-scape from her not very strategic position on her bum. Was her empire already over? She may not be in the Order, know the Force, or know how to use a lightsaber, or be any good in hand to hand--but she knew words. And she knew how to use them well. Her devastated, hopeless expression curled into a small smile, her eyebrows lifting ominously, as she slowly turned to look at Anakin. “Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?”

Anakin frowned. “Yeah, Palpatine told me. Wasn’t that great of a story actually.”

Padme looked away again. “Oh…”

“Oh, but, like, if you wanted to tell it, go ahead--”

“No, it’s fine--”

“--it was sort of interesting, just a little dry, but there were some really cool points in it--”

“--no, I don’t want to, I just liked the fact that it was so--”

“--ironic--,” they said together, then gasped.

Anakin smiled. “Yeah, I liked that part too. Good line. The rest is crap, though. Are you done?”

She stood up, tugging off the black robe and handing him the lightsaber she’d gotten from Force knows where, and then she started picking out yellow contact lenses (she did all this in ten minutes?) She glanced apologetically at Anakin. “Sorry. Don’t know what came over me. Sudden urge. Must’ve been the tea.”

“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking, too. Frock you, Joppopago.”

“Frock Joppopago. Also, I still need ice, and probably a med droid.”

“You know,” said Anakin as they walked down the stairs and through hallways towards a medical bay, “Now that you mentioned it, I’ve been having weird feelings about Palpatine lately.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah. Especially since he told me that story. Super suspicious looking. Super evil looking, honestly. Like, I’m ninety nine percent sure he’s the most evil man in the galaxy.”

“I’ve been thinking the same thing, Ani. Didn’t know how to tell you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Well. Good to know.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hah, this was fun.


End file.
